Thoughts of a Wanderer

Last night my wife and I were laying in bed talking about the Spiritual State of our Family. Considering the importance of eternity, I think all couples should do this from time to time to just evaluate what their thoughts and perspectives are concerning this issue.

I told her how I felt about where we are as a family and where I am as an individual. Her response was that she knew I had been going through a rough and dry time, but that she had no idea how bad it was for me. This morning when I got up, the Lord reminded me of something I wrote on January the 1st of 2008. What I'm about to share is how I have felt for the past year, 2 months and 21 days.

Church as a whole, bores me! I go, but I find that I am not interested and very critical. The worship seems to run in a 2-3 week cycle. It’s the same songs. Kind of like going through he motions. There is very little reason to try and push the boundaries of worship when the leaders and the people are content to do the same old thing again and again. It is my profound belief that God is a very dynamic Being who is constantly doing something new. I believe that our lives should be new and dynamic every day. I believe that there is so much creativity available to us in the Spirit that church/worship should be new and refreshing every time we enter into the sanctuary to come before our God.

I look back at a couple of churches I have been involved in and long for the days when God moved so mightily that the congregation either had to fall down before the throne and worship, or run out of the sanctuary to get away from the awesomeness of God. I know that God separates the chaff from the wheat and that is what the church needs in this day and age. I’m tired of being in a church that tries to cater to all people just to have numbers. I want to be involved in a church that is not concerned with building an empire, but a church that is more concerned with the quality of spiritual life than quantity of people.

I sit through service after service and hear the words, “I can feel Gods presence”, “Isn’t the presence of the Lord so wonderful right now”, etc. But I don’t feel anything but profound disappointment because I feel nothing. I’m tired of feeling like I went to a huge pep-rally and the leadership was just trying to get the crowd excited. I want to feel the excitement, the expectation when ever I gather together with like minded believers. The Word says that, “whenever two or three are gathered together in My Name, I am there.” I want to be partners with a group of people who truly believe that and gather together to be in the presence of God.

I read in the book of Acts where the church grew exponentially because of the power of the preached Word. Acts 4:4 notes that about 5000 men where added to the church after one service. 5000 Men! That doesn’t include the women and children. Just a modest estimate would be that due to Peter and John’s obedience to preach the gospel, 15000 people where added to the church that day. I would venture to say that the church grew by a lot more than that, but that is just a guess on my part. I’m thankful to see people getting saved, but when is the last time that the Word of God was so powerfully preached that thousands came to Christ. If God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, why don’t we see Him move like the book of Acts describes? Has God changed? I think not! If anything, we have changed. I think we have put God in a box and limited Him and what He can do.

There is a saying that says that if you aren’t part of the solution, you are a part of the problem. I have sat passively by and slowly drifted into the realm of being part of the problem. I’m tired of being there. I want to be a part of the solution, but I haven’t a clue where to begin.

I want to see God move in my life, in the lives of all those in the Church. I want to feel the excitement, I want to experience His presence. I want to see his miracles. I want to see His glory move in ways that can not be understood. I want to experience God in ways that are unexplainable. I want to worship Him without saying or singing a word. I want to fall on my face and let his Glory and Power flow over me like the waves of the ocean crashing to the shoreline. My prayer for this coming year is to experience God afresh and anew. To live in Him, to move in Him, and have my being in Him (Acts 17:28)

I have been reading "The Creative Leader" by Ed Young and the creativity that I talked about in the first paragraph that I wrote over a year ago is brought out so wonderfully in his book. Because of reading his book, I have found a couple of churches via the internet that practice that creativity and I have watched the sermons that they have made available for download. As much as I hate to say it, those sermons that I have downloaded have become my lifeline.

Know this! I don't think that there is a substitute for the local church. I believe in the fellowship of believers. I believe that we need others of like mindedness to encourage us in The Faith. I believe that we need to be accountable to someone. Hebrews 10:24-25 states: "Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near."
NLT You can't encourage others unless you are around them, so the local church is very important.

So, my wife and I are currently praying for a place were the Creativity of our Creator lives. Where people come to take a step closer to Jesus and not to just grow fat and sluggish, eating and never feeding others. We want to be a part of a vibrant, excited Church that seeks nothing more than showing Jesus to a hurting community. I know that God is faithful and will lead us where He wants us, it's just hard to be patient when I feel like I'm dying inside.